


i'm unapologetically in love (and that's unapologetically enough)

by brokendevil



Series: Nerd!Verse. [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, Tumblr Prompts, snippets from TWYGMUYS
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-18 04:59:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16988481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokendevil/pseuds/brokendevil
Summary: Snapshots from the Popular!Lexa and Nerd!Clarke verse which include 'What If' situations, prompts from my Tumblr, and various other elements. They're not in any particular chronological order.





	1. Break Up.

**Author's Note:**

> anonymous asked: How would Popular Lexa Nerd Clarke both react if they broke up for a while? Ie like would lexa resorts to player Lexa? Maybe when their older.. Also do they leave town when they graduate? Maybe that affects them...?
> 
> Those who follow my Tumblr, brokendevilwrites, will have seen this already, and some of the other prompts which will appear here, however I have added a little extra since I have a little extra time.

They break up on a Saturday and by the Tuesday morning Lexa is waking up in Clarke’s dorm room.

Again.

It’s how it always happens and it’s how it keeps happening and she knows nothing is going to change until one of them puts their foot down to actually do something that actively changes it.

Thoughts run wild in her mind as she shifts onto her side and she lifts her right hand lifting to trace her fingers down the curve of Clarke’s cheek. Her eyes are closed but her breathing is uneven enough that Lexa knows she isn’t asleep but she doesn’t want to break this moment right now, the moment that feels domestic and right and doesn’t contain guilt or regrets. They’ve done this enough times now--(Two. They’ve done this two times,)--that Lexa knows the moment they open their eyes it’s over. It’s back to arguments and tears and not being enough.

Clarke is the strongest that Lexa has ever seen her; with lessons, with friends, with standing up for what is right. All of those traits that Lexa could see in high school have come to the forefront since they moved to college and pride radiates from her each time Clarke shows them unapologetically.

College has opened doors for the both of them. Doors for opportunities that she never knew existed. But the truth is,  she didn’t think that some of those doors would mean her and Clarke would walk different paths.

“You’re thinking about leaving, aren’t you?”

The pale sunrise coming through the curtains does absolutely nothing to hide the sadness of Clarke’s face, even with her eyes closed and blonde hair falling over her features. Her voice holds a heavy tone of resignation and knowledge. They’ve been here before and Lexa didn’t think they’d ever be _that_ couple; the one who breaks up and then gets back together over and over and over again.

She doesn’t want to be that couple.

She wishes that they could be the couple who stays together forever, who survive through the highs and the lows and the times that it is all too much. But college is busy and she works an evening job while Clarke works a day job and they both deserve more than one or two hours a week. At one point--a few months ago, even--they were the happiest one or two hours of her life but recently they’ve seemed more like a commitment than an enjoyment.

The problem is her though and she knows it. Even when Clarke has clawed at her heart again and again; she cannot stay away. She can’t let herself give up this space next to Clarke long enough for someone else to fill it.

“I don’t know what I’m thinking anymore,” she admits and her voice makes Clarke’s eyes open. The watery blue is almost too much for Lexa to look at but she forces herself to not break because even now, when they’re in a place she never thought they would be, those eyes are the only thing that make sense. Whether they’re filled with tears or love or laughter, Clarke’s eyes ground her quicker than anything in this world can. Bare legs move together beneath the covers and Lexa savours it, her skin on fire at each point of contact, and she tries to not sigh. “Clarke…”

“I know.”

“We’re pretty terrible at being broken up, huh?”

Clarke buries her face into her pink pillow and Lexa misses the sight of her immediately. Her body stays tense until Clarke moves onto her back to finally confront a conversation they probably should have had before hurried kisses and desperate touches. Dark grey rings hang heavily under blue eyes and it only serves to tell Lexa that the girl didn’t sleep at all last night.

She’s glad she isn’t the only one.

“We’re pretty terrible at being together too,” Clarke whimpers. To Lexa it feels like she’s been shot because that’s just not true. It’s just not fucking true. How can two amazing people be less than amazing together?

“Don’t say that,” Lexa snaps and she ignores the glare she gets. Instead she lays back from where she’d been propped up on her elbow to let Clarke crawl over her to get out of her single bed. Her sleep shorts are mused and wrinkled and the old AC/DC t-shirt is riding up her stomach in the sweetest way. There hasn’t been a more attractive Clarke to Lexa in a very long time; heartbroken but full of love, messy but beautiful, adorably annoyed. “We’re amazing together, Griffin. You know that.”

“Do we feel amazing right now?”

Clarke’s biggest flaw that she doesn’t look at Lexa when they’re arguing; she always finds something else to do and Lexa gets out of the bed to glare at the back of Clarke’s head. “Obviously not but that might be because you broke up with me on Saturday. _Again._ ”

“Because we deserve better than this, Lexa,” and, fuck, she’s crying. Clarke is crying and it’s not even seven in the morning. Clarke is crying and it’s because of Lexa.  “I can’t keep doing this with you. I’m not strong enough. We’re either all in on this thing or we’re not. This limbo back and forth that we’re doing is too much and I thought that this was it on Saturday. When you walked away from me, I thought that was it and that we were actually over and it broke my heart. But then you came last night with that stupid excuse and…Lexa. You make me weak. You know I’ve never been able to say no to you and it’s not fair.”

She turns to look at her and Lexa’s heart stops. Sometimes she hates how smart Clarke is because she knows that girl has thought about this again and again and again. Lexa knows she would have added up the pros and the cons and thought deeply about the psychology of love and the meaning of life and it breaks her apart to know that the only logical conclusion Clarke was able to get was one where they don’t end up together.

Where they aren’t perfect.

And honestly, Lexa knows that fairytale romances are just for movies and stories and Taylor Swift lyrics. She _knows_ that. She doesn’t need to be broken up with by the most perfect girl in the world to understand that sometimes, just sometimes, love isn’t enough.

But it’s still not fair.

They’re too young to feel hurt like this.

They’re too young to hurt each other like this.

“I know,” she whispers and she aches to reach out and touch Clarke, her fingers physically burn. “I think I’ve forgotten how to make you happy.”

“I think you have too.”

And, _oh._

_\----_

She doesn’t remember walking home.

_\----_

Four emails come through to her laptop at pretty much the same time. She casts a disinterested eye over them; there is one from her professor, asking about her attendance, and others from various friends about work assignments. Nothing urgent, nothing that cannot wait until Sunday night to reply to.

Her professor is mostly understanding and she kind of feels bad for missing his class--especially since her absence warranted a personal email to her--but she can’t find it in herself to apologise.

She isn’t sorry for being sad.

On the floor her clothes from work scatter between takeout cartons and college work. The bed is a mess of blankets that have been shoved against the wall and pillows that smell too much like her ex. Music plays softly through the speakers and Lexa just lets herself _feel._

Outside of this room she’s composed; so much in fact that Lincoln was surprised that her and Clarke had broken up. Besides not attending her last lecture she’s pretty much kept it together fairly well. Anya’s apartment in the city is far enough away that nobody saw a broken girl walking the streets home early on a Tuesday morning two weeks earlier.

She appeared two days later fresh and smiling and with a skip in her step.

Inside her heart is ash. Inside her soul screams in pain.

But nobody needs to know that.

Everybody knows it’s what is on the outside that matters. At least that was what she lived by in high school until she met Clarke; and now she’s not with Clarke, it’s easy to believe it again. She’s seen the inside of beautiful people, their heart and their soul, and they still hurt her in the end.

“Do you want to go to ‘ _Mountain’_ tonight?” Anya asks from the doorway. She’s leaning against the wood and her arms are folded, her body acting like she doesn’t care for Lexa’s answer even if she asked, but her eyes are concerned and Lexa kind of hates that.

She hates it because she remembers everything Anya did for her that Tuesday morning. She doesn’t remember how she got home, her path a mix of tears and autumn leaves beneath her feet, but she remembers getting home. She remembers walking through the door and seeing Anya, who was in a Skype meeting for work, turning to look at her with a horrified expression. She remembers shaking her head, falling to her knees, sobbing into expensive laminate that they shouldn’t have been able to afford.

She remembers Anya hushing her as she cried in a bath of lukewarm water.

She remembers soft fingers running through her wet hair, cleaning her.

She hates it because she can’t ever deny how much Anya helped her get over someone; that Anya had to help her get over someone like she was weak and vulnerable and helpless.

Lexa wonders who helped Clarke.

Wonders if Clarke even needed help.

“No,” Lexa replies. She’s not incapable of being happy again now that she’s single and she knows that, her happiness was never dependent on Clarke because she knows they’re independent beings from one another. But she can’t pretend that she wasn’t happier when she was with Clarke, it’s just simple truth. “I think Clarke’s there tonight with her friends  and I just don’t want to have to deal with that.”

“Deal with what? Both of you avoiding one another and spending the night not talking?” Anya grumps a little as she raises her eyebrow at her friend. “Lexa, come on. It’s been two weeks and I totally get that you’re kind of heartbroken and stuff but sitting in your room isn’t helping anyone. Especially yourself. I’m not saying you need to meet someone new but I really think a change of scene is going to do you some good. Come out for a bit and just leave when it’s too much, okay? Let’s get to stepping because the only way out of this is by putting one foot in front of the other.”

When she walks away, without a reply, Lexa wonders what the world would be like without Anya.

\----

“She looks really hot,” Lincoln says and he’s so lucky he’s on the other side of the table because the punch Lexa was going to land on his nose would have been a lot harder than the slap to his thigh that Octavia gives him. “I’m sorry but seriously. Look at her right now.”

Four pairs of eyes look across the dance floor to the blonde. Hands in her hair, hips swaying, Clarke is the epitome of sexy and it seems everyone is noticing it. Everyone is appreciating it.

Everyone but Lexa.

Because thar girl out there in the tight trousers and dancing to songs she hates isn’t the girl she knows.

Clarke dances, yes.

Clarke enjoys being with her friends, yes.

But she’s not the center of attention. She hates being the centre of attention. She doesn’t grind, doesn’t dance alone, doesn’t make a scene.  

Too many eyes on her make her uncomfortable and Lexa can practically feel the burn of attention from here.

There’s something wrong and Lexa needs to know where Clarke’s “friends” are because they should know this, they should be looking after her, and the anger builds inside of her as the girl keeps dancing and the songs keep changing.

Torn between wanting to find out what the hell is  happening and running out of the door, Lexa turns back to her drink. Her foot taps against the floor and she last an entire two lines of the song before she’s looking again at the giggling girl. Her steps stumble, her smile falters and Lexa’s had enough.

She’s halfway across the dance floor before she even knows what she’s doing.

“Clarke,” she breathes as she reaches her and at this distance she can see the glazed look in her eyes, the sweat on her skin. She can see how unfocused the girl in front of her is and her mind races to figure out why this is happening. “What are you doing?”

“No, nope,” Clarke slurs. She stops dancing to glare at Lexa, her eyebrows meeting adorably in the middle, and she pushes at Lexa with absolutely no force behind the movement. “Get out of my head. Please.”

And, _oh._

_\----_

She’s not taken any of their pictures down is the first thing that Lexa notices.

The second thing is her room is a lot more organised than her own. It’s tidy, like it always has been, but Lexa smiles a little because there is a pillow on the floor, the one that she always uses, and she’s glad that she isn’t the only one having a hard time sleeping when her senses are full of the past.

She places a bottle of water next to the bed as Clarke shuffles back into the  room. Her once curled hair hangs limp around her shoulders and there’s wet toothpaste at the corner of her mouth but she falls into her bed before Lexa can comment. There’s a lot of noise as Clarke  shuffles under the covers with some difficulty and it makes Lexa giggle a little.

A breeze blows inside of her and her ashy heart tries beating again.

“Please don’t get that drunk again,” she says softly. It’s funny to Lexa how often they play pretend at being adults. She just hopes that she’s smart enough for Clarke to follow her advice this time. She’s never been able to tell Clarke what to do but she isn’t telling her this time, she’s begging. “You scared me.”

“I thought it’d help. They do it in the movies.”

“Drink?” Lexa asks and she receives a little nod in response. She fiddles at her jacket zip while she watches the girl struggle to get comfortable. “Life isn't a movie, Griffin. If it was then I’d be over you in 90 minutes.”

“So you’re not over me yet then?”

There is absolutely no hesitation in her response. “No.”

“Liar,” Clarke scoffs.

She almost gives herself a headache at how hard she rolls her eyes at that idiotic reply. There is no way she’s getting into this conversation with the semi-drunk girl at this time.  “Go to sleep, Clarke. You’re going to feel like shit in the morning.”

There is a long pause and Lexa thinks she’s probably fallen asleep. The air smells like alcohol and she sighs as she glances around the room; trousers lay next to the door, inside out, and Clarke’s shirt is thrown over the chair. It’s not her responsibility anymore but she picks the items up and tidies them away, knowing that if Clarke wakes up to her room a mess in the morning then she’ll feel worse.

_Organisation is the key to a clear mind_ , she hears  Clarke’s teasing voice in her head as she sees their teenage selves walking through the hallways of high school.

It makes her smile.

They were beautiful.

“How many girls have you slept with since we’ve been broken up?”

And _holy shit,_ that definitely wasn’t something Lexa was expecting. Her hands pause folding denim and she forces herself to remember how to breathe. Because she wasn’t expecting that, because that shouldn’t have ever been something that ever went through Clarke’s mind.

“Seriously?” Lexa turns in place and Clarke is staring at the ceiling, her lips downturned. “Do you think I would do something like that to you?”

“Well. We’re not together.”

“Thanks for the reminder. Do you really think that I would just go and sleep with other girls because I’m not in a relationship anymore?” She insists, irritated and hurt. “Clarke.”

“No, obviously not. I know you,” Clarke rubs at her eyes and Lexa hates it. Hates that this is who they are now, apparently. “But Luna said you’d move on to someone else because you moved on from Costia to me pretty easily. It’s all I can think about.”

“I was never in love with Costia. We weren’t together and I didn’t plan my whole future with her. So no, Clarke, I haven’t moved on and I haven’t slept with anyone else. And fuck Luna for ever thinking she could say something like that to you.”

Pain rushes through her body at having to explain that, at thinking that was something that went through Clarke’s mind, at people getting involved in things that weren’t any of their business.

At the fact her smart as hell girlfriend can be so dumb.

She feels sick.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh,” Lexa mimics. Her voice cracks and she knows it’s time to leave. “Drink your water.”

She doesn’t slam the door when she walks out of the room but when the latch clicks it echoes in her mind.

_It’s over,_ her mind screams at her. _It’s over, it’s over, it’s over._

_\----_

Days pass and suddenly the seasons change.

Snow begins to fall and the browns and reds and yellows of leaves fade away to leave dark branches, their finger-like branches clawing at dull skies, and it eases Lexa some. She can still remember the rhythmic crunch of leaves under her feet as her heart broke while she walked home and she replaces that sound with the soft padding of snow under her boots instead.

Her phone stays silent in the evenings but she still finds herself looking at it in the hopes a familiar name will light up the background. The last one she received from Clarke was a _“’thank you. I’m sorry…”’_ the morning after she took her home from her night out.

She didn’t reply.

Rumors circulate about Clarke and Luna in her friend group but she ignores them. It’s easy because her friends stop talking when she walks into the room and she doesn’t know if she appreciates it or not.

While it hurts, it’s inevitable. She trusts Clarke to move on to someone else when she’s ready and even if she doesn’t want to know about it, or even see it, Luna isn’t the worst person in the world.

She deletes both of them from social media though. Just in case.

\----

Her shoulder hurts from the bag on her shoulder and her eyes burn with how tired she is. There’s a deep red covering her hands from the bitter wind that wails through the city now that winter has completely set in. She pushes up the last flight of stairs to her apartment, cursing the broken elevator, and reminds herself that Anya has had a week off from work and there will definitely been warm food and warm coffee waiting for her when she opens the door.

She’s halfway down the hallway when she finally sees her and she wonders why it took so long to notice when the air smells like her perfume and her stomach has knotted with nerves. There’s a coffee cup at her feet and she’s wearing the cutest little beanie that matches with her boots.

Lexa’s heart jump starts and the ash from it clogs her throat and burns painfully at her eyes.

Neither of them look like they’re willing to say the first word and Lexa shifts, cognizant to the fact the strap of her book bag is probably forming an inch thick welt on her shoulder. “You do know you didn’t need to sit in the hallway, right? Anya is home. You could have just knocked.”

“I did,” Clarke chuckles as she looks at her fingers and there’s humor in her smile that Lexa hasn’t seen in a long time. “She shut the door in my face.”

“Not to rub it in but I think she unfollowed you on Instagram too,” Lexa teases, reminding Clarke of the conversation from all those years ago. It feels strange directing her smile at the blonde but _oh God_ does it feel right. She’s reminded as they look at one another for another half minute just how much she’s missed her. “So besides being a glutton for Anya-styled punishment, what are you doing here?”

Clarke sighs and finally stands up from where she’d been leaning against the wall. Her steps are hesitant as she walks closer to Lexa with a nervous expression. “Remember in high school when you told me that I’m really bad at reading signals and that you were always waiting for me to make the first move?”

“I guess.”

“Well, I figure that’s just who I am.  You know I’m not very good at things like that and I would like to say that I’ve gotten better but I really don’t think that I have,” she stumbles over her words and Lexa grips the strap of her bag tighter, willing herself to not reach out and soothe the jittery girl. “I’ve been trying so hard to make the first move in getting over you and I’m failing miserably at it.”

If there is a point to this, besides kind of hurting her feelings, Lexa isn’t getting it. She adjusts her backpack on her shoulders as she waits but Clarke seems to have stopped, her bottom lip stuck between her teeth instead. “Well, sorry I guess?”

“No. Don’t be sorry,” Clarke frowns and Lexa takes the last few steps towards her door, the snow from  her boots melting into a little pile between them, but Clarke startles back into action as she notices the movement. “I’ve been trying to figure out for so long how I’m supposed to get over you, Lexa. Instead I should have been thinking of different ways to make you fall in love with me again.”

“What does that even mean?”

“There’s a point to this, I swear. It sounded a lot better when I was walking over,” she grimaces and Lexa gives her time. Because even now, with everything past between them and with weeks--months--of silence, she still wants to see where this could go. “I’m doing everything I’m supposed to be. I’m excelling in my classes like my mom wanted and I’m more social like Bellamy told me to be. My life is on track, Lexa, and I thought that’s what I was supposed to do in college. Find myself and who I am and all I’ve managed to do is lose you and forget what it’s like to be actually happy.”

Clarke’s cheeks flush with an attractive pink colour as she forces all of her words out in one go. It’s adorably _her_ and Lexa has never quite understood the appeal of romance until now, never understood why people liked the long speech at the end of a romantic movie or the big gestures of love and affection.

She can’t deny how much Clarke hurt her. But she can’t pretend like she hasn’t just been pulled completely back in either.

“I miss us, Lexa.”

Lexa shrugs, lips tight together in a pout, and she hopes she doesn’t look moments away from swooning. Because while that is everything that she’s needed to hear for months, some bridges aren’t the easiest ones to rebuild. “You told me I didn’t make you happy. You said that.”

“You’ve always made me happy,” Clarke defends. “I just got lost learning how to make myself happy and doing things because others expected that of me.  I’m sorry I ever made you feel like that. You were put onto the sidelines because you never expected anything from me and I think that’s where I really messed up because I just thought you’d always be there, because you’ve always been there.”

She doesn’t want to make it easy for Clarke but she’s tired of being angry and hurt and _sad._ Clarke hurt her but she hurt Clarke too, she knows that, she didn’t pay enough attention and she knows she put her own activities in front of Clarke sometimes.

“I understand if you don’t want to try with me again,” the blonde pulls her out of her thoughts and her voice has gone quieter, a little more unsure. “You once told me that you were happy being just friends and I want you to know that I’ll take that too. I want to be your friend again.”

The conversation sounds so familiar that Lexa blushes and looks at the ground to hide her little smile. “But you want more?”

“I’ll always want more,” she says and it is such a role reversal that it almost breaks Lexa. Almost. “Can we be start as friends and just go from there? I’ve said a lot of stupid things recently but I think telling you that we deserve more was the worst because you’ve always given me your all, Lexa.”

For a few long seconds Lexa just looks at Clarke before she smiles, a slow smile that builds from the middle at works it way out. A smile that causes her to drop the bag from her shoulder, to release the tension in her body, to let go of her stubborn thought process.

She wants Clarke, she’s always wanted Clarke, and pretending like she doesn’t because she wants to keep the upper-hand is stupid.

They’re young and they make mistakes. They break up and learn from it and build new things out of old memories. She knows people will judge them but, she smirks to herself, they’ve always judged them and they’ve always come out stronger.

They’ve changed a lot in college. Clarke is stronger and wiser and she handles situations with dignity and grace and compassion, and it’s everything Lexa knew she had in her.

“Hi,” she says, pointing to the wall next to Clarke, and she sees the girl’s eyes widen at the acknowledgement. “Can I sit here with you?”

It’s the quickest Lexa has ever seen someone willingly sit on the floor of a communal hallway and she laughs, genuinely, for the first time.

And, _oh._

Happiness hasn’t felt this good in a long time.

  



	2. Jealous Lexa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> anonymous asked: How would Lexa and Costia react if some hot chick ahem Luna? Hits on Clarke?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anonymous asked: How would Lexa and Costia react if some hot chick ahem Luna? Hits on Clarke?

“Did you hear about your girlfriend?”

The question seems to come out of nowhere and Lexa tenses her jaw in annoyance, not particularly in the mood to throw Costia across the computer lab by her weave when she’s so close to finishing this lesson. 

Detention isn’t exactly something that scares her. Having to explain why she got a  detention to Clarke is a whole other story though and she breathes deeply in an attempt to stay calm. Since being with the girl she’s been a lot better, she’s calmer and thinks with her heart more than she thinks with her head. Trouble still finds her, she still feels herself rising up to defend herself in situations, but her ex really isn’t worth it. She stopped talking to the girl as often as she used to months ago, even if Costia tries and tries and tries. 

“Costia, I’m going to suggest you think about your words before you say them. I know it’s a difficult concept for your tiny brain to understand but thinking before you speak is really important to a functioning society.” 

“Yeah, and so is free speech,” Costia dismisses, her long hair drifting around her shoulders as she takes a seat next to Lexa. Sh pauses in her typing because of course Costia needed to reply something smart and she bites hard at her tongue. “Luna Murray is making moves on your girl. And from what I’ve seen, and you know I see everything Lexa, she’s kind of into it.” 

The obsession Costia seems to have with Clarke is unnerving but Lexa ignores it, determined to not get into trouble this week because of one girl and her gaping mouth and her incessant need to force a wedge between her and the happiest thing in her life. 

Part of her misses Costia sometimes; a small part that longs from the friendship she once had with her at the start of high school. When she was actually relatable. There was a brief time, long before Clarke, that she thought Costia was good for her and she wonders if Costia has always been like this or if this is someone she has been turned into.

“Okay. Why are you telling me this?” 

“Because you seem to have forgotten, in this desperate attempt at a relationship, that we’re friends Lexa,” she breathes softly and Lexa stops  her work completely to stare at the screen in front of her, annoyance on her face palpable to anyone walking past. She gets a brief glance from the girl next to her but she quickly looks away and Lexa inhales deeply. “I thought you should know. Your girl might be an utter mistake to humanity and this school but she seems to definitely be a target for anything of the sapphic variety. You might want to keep an eye on that.” 

“Why? Do you want her or something?” Her jaw clicks at the end of her question but all it seems to do is make Costia chuckle to herself. 

It’s a sad noise that Lexa isn’t used to hearing from Costia and if she was a different person or they were in a different time then she’d question it, but right now she couldn’t care less and she’s too busy working out what the point of this conversation is that she lets it go.

The girl puts her hands on the chair arms, lifting herself up, before she pauses and looks down for a long second. Briefly, Lexa wonders if she’s going to get slapped for reasons unknown.

“Or something,” Costia sighs and by the time Lexa reacts she’s gone. 

===

Images play in her mind all day. 

Clarke talking to this Luna girl, laughing with her, sharing stories. She’s never even heard of this Luna before but, it seems, the entire school knows exactly who she is. Stories range from her being an heiress from some European country to her being a model that needs to graduate before she’s allowed to walk in any shows follow her around all day and Lexa racks her brain trying to work out how she doesn’t know this girl, how she’s managed to pass by her. 

“She started last week,” Lincoln provides unhelpfully, the ball in his protein shake making an irritating clicking noise as he shakes it during lunch. They’re lounging on the table and, even though she says she isn’t, Lexa is sulking. Clarke messaged her that she needed to do some studying and even though Lexa had tried tempting her with pizza and kisses, she’s spending her lunch with Lincoln and Octavia and looking like the world's most attractive third wheel.  “Don’t really know much about her. She’s awesome at art though I’ve seen them in class. Her realism sketches are beyond anything I’ve ever seen before, she might even be better than Clarke.”

Lexa hums because she knows Lincoln is only doing it so that she rises to the bait and, instead, she watches the room for a few minutes. Besides--Clarke is better. She already knows that.

One of the downfalls of being so insanely focused on Clarke is that her attention to detail has waned, she doesn’t know her people as well, and that means this Luna chick has managed to work her way into the hallways of  _ her  _ school and next to her girlfriend.

“What does she look like?”

“Hot.”

“Octavia, chill,” Lincoln laughs but he doesn’t deny that which only annoys Lexa further. There’s a chance she’s just reading into everything but she can’t stop and she kind of hates it. Never in her life has she felt like this before and it’s not something she’s proud of. “She’s nice, Lexa. A little quiet and she mostly keeps to herself. Why are you asking?”

With timing as great as hers Lexa isn’t surprised that Costia works her way into her line of view at the same time that Lincoln asks his question. Because, God, could her life be any more cliche than it currently is?  There’s a smirk on her face but, for the first time in a while, it isn’t directed at Lexa. That doesn’t help her irritation though and she rolls her eyes, looking away from her in annoyance. 

“Ah,” Octavia hums and as Lexa turns to look at her she looks like she knows everything about everyone. Truth is, she probably does. “Jealous Bitch of the West has reared her perma-dyed head then?”

“What?”

“Costia. She’s trying to get under your skin and it’s clearly working,” the girl explains, her words slow like Lexa is an idiot, and she waves her hand towards Costia who looks like she’s fully aware everyone is talking about her in one way or another. “We all figured she’d be over you by now but you must be one hell of a lay.” 

Green eyes narrow in annoyance but she doesn’t reply because there’s no point really. She can’t defend herself because even if Costia isn’t over her, or even if Costia wants her, that's her problem. Not Lexa’s. 

Clarke has mentioned a few times about Costia being jealous of their relationship but the conversation never leads anywhere because there’s no point in in; Costia being jealous of them being together puts zero strain on them so they give it zero attention. 

Still.

Lexa can see how easy it is to be a jealous person. Even if she claims she isn’t. 

===

Clarke looks ridiculous and Lexa is absolutely no help at all, amusement coating her features as Clarke waddles from the art building with supplies in either hand and a tired look on her perfect little face. She’s the most beautiful person Lexa has ever laid eyes on and today is no exception, especially with her hair in a messy bun and her t-shirt hanging loosely around her neck. 

How did she manage to capture this girls attention?

She would move to  help but there’s a girl already next to her holding some of her belongings and Lexa takes the few seconds it takes for them to reach the car  to scope out the newcomer. She swallows as her eyes take in full hips and the girls’ wide smile. 

She’s hot.

Damn it. 

“Why did I ever want to be an artist?” Clarke moans as she finally reaches Lexa, her bottom lip protruding dramatically, and Lexa can do nothing but gather the girl into her arms because  _ fuck  _ she’s adorable. There’s a wet sensation on her bicep that Lexa just knows is acrylic paint but that disappears as soon as she presses her lips to the crown of Clarke’s head. 

“Because you’re a bohemian at heart,” Lexa shrugs, her attention turning to the girl next to her. She already knows who she is but that doesn’t stop her from remaining as close to Clarke as she can. Her girlfriend lets out a satisfied noise at the touch and presses her own lips against her shoulder. There’s a little shuffle of bodies as Clarke moves to put her supplies in the car but Lexa isn’t really willing to let Clarke go just yet and it results in the blonde giggling attractive. “I’m Lexa. Clarke’s girlfriend.” 

“Luna. It’s good to finally put a face to the numerous texts blowing up Clarke’s phone,” she says with a smile and Lexa almost scowls at the way even her voice is attractive. Reddish curls fall into her eyes as she steps a little closer to the couple, barely awkward at being the new addition. “You certainly live up to everything she’s said about you.” 

She doesn’t know what that means but there’s a cute blush on Clarke’s cheeks that kind of gives her constant appraisals away. 

“I’m nothing compared to her,” she shrugs and Luna raises an eyebrow like she’s holding back on saying something. She turns her attention to Clarke, eyes softening as she takes in her sleepy girlfriend. “Are you ready to go?”

Clarke nods as she links her arm through Lexa’s, a little shiver running through them both at the first real full contact all day, and she smiles at Luna. “Will I see you tomorrow?” 

“Oh, I hope so,” Luna drawls. It causes a sudden red heat to flash inside of Lexa, surprising her at it’s intensity, and she tries to swallow it down before she says something stupid. She’s never been jealous before, not really, not in a way that she would take seriously.  

She’s been salty when it’s come to Bellamy and she’s aware of how people look at Clarke sometimes, but she’s never been possessive. The attitude that has suddenly begun to fill her lungs shocks her enough that she doesn’t get a chance to say goodbye to Luna as she leaves. 

It’s not until they’re in the car that they speak again. “I like her,” Clarke tells her softly, hair falling into her eyes as she buckles her seat belt. “She’s nice.”

“She’s into you.”

“So?” 

That stops Lexa’s rampage in its tracks. A soft little ‘so?’ that completely calms her down almost immediately, even if it furrows her brows and confuses her some. “You don’t care? How did you even know?”

“She asked me if I was single,” Clarke shrugs, her tone kissed with amusement, and she presses the button for the seat warmer like she owns the car. For a second Lexa is distracted by her gorgeous girlfriend but the blonde continues talking. “She didn’t make a song and dance about it unlike someone else that I know.” 

“Clarke.”

“I told her I was in a relationship with you. You trust me, don’t you?”

At that Lexa shrinks back into her seat because the answer should be obvious, shouldn’t it? She trusts Clarke more than anyone that’s ever laid a foot on the Earth. 

But still…

“Lexa, you can’t stop people finding me attractive or wanting to date me. Just like I can’t stop the football team staring at you or Costia constantly tripping over her tongue when you walk by,” she continues and Lexa kind of hates how good Clarke is at this. Freaking debate team champion. “You just have to trust that I’ll make good choices in the friends I choose to hang around with and that I’d never do anything to hurt you.”

“I know you wouldn’t ever do something. I’m not even worried about that,” she sulks and she feels mostly like an ass for feeling so shit all day. Clarke is right; if someone finds her attractive then there isn’t much either of them can do but let them know they’re in a relationship. Just like Lexa can’t stop Costia saying dumb shit or people commenting disgusting things on Instagram. “It doesn’t mean I have to like the fact she wants you.”

“Aren’t you the one who constantly states how hot I am?”

Damn logic queen. Clarke proving her wrong shouldn’t be as much of a turn on as it currently is, but. 

Well. 

Damn it. 

“I mean, yeah. But that’s because you’re really fucking sexy. It’s a legal obligation I have to remind you of it, not other people.”

“Baby, I only want you. I can’t believe this is a conversation we’re having right now.” 

She’s right. Lexa knows she’s right. But she’s never been in a position before where she can lose something, some _ one, _ and it’s scary. 

She knows girls like Luna.

Fuck, she  _ was _ a girl like Luna. 

“I’m sorry,” she shrugs, her eyes casting down to the wheel because she is sorry and she really hates feeling like this. It’s ridiculous because she does trust Clarke and Clarke trusts her, there’s literally no reason for it. “You make me feel things I’m not totally used to.”

“Don’t say sorry for feeling the things you feel,” Clarke replies easily and Lexa awes at how amazing she is. “I get jealous too. And scared. Nervous. You make me feel every emotion every single day, isn’t that the point?” 

It kind of is, Lexa thinks as their lips meet in a gentle kiss that she’s been craving all day.

Desire. 

Love. 

Excitement. 

Nerves. 

It overflows her from one small kiss and God she wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Luna can flirt and smile and come from the Royal Family for all Lexa cares, she’ll never have what she has right now and that’s all she really cares about.

===

Satisfied and loved and well aware that her relationship is stronger than ever, Lexa struts through the hallways of her school like she spent the night on top of a half-naked Clarke Griffin. 

(Which she definitely did.)

And if she smirks at Luna, deep and knowing and full of smug pride, well that’s just her. 

Jealousy has nothing on what she feels for Clarke anyway.

 


End file.
